This winter, in one word, sucks. It was cold and then it got
colder. There was a lot of snow and then it snowed some more. And then it got
colder. Like I said, it S-U-C-K-S, sucks.
And as the temperature plummet, so has the behavior of my
children. Picture this, a grumpy grizzly bear, a cranky crocodile, and a rabid
squirrel confined within your average living space. This situation might be fun
to watch for a little while, but eventually you need to get some crap done. It
is nearly impossible to fold laundry with all the growling, wrestling, and
flying-leaps from the furniture.
Just when I was ready to lock them all in the bathroom and
drive far, far away (Don’t judge me! I would have left snacks AND they had
access to the toilet.) a miracle happened. The weather warmed…to the 40s! Yippee!
It was pure bliss. We took walks. Puddles were stomped in. All
of the pent-up energy swirling inside their little bodies was finally released
in positive ways. The children began to act…human. I could picture the end of
winter. Spring felt so close I could almost pet it. There was a light at the
end of the long, horrid tunnel that has been this painful winter.
Then another polar vortex swooped in like a LEGO to the eye
of my dream and we are right back to where we were a week ago. Only this time,
it feels so much worse for knowing how good we had it last week.
I was so patient with the whining. “Yes, my sweet, Mommy
knows how much work it is to clean up the refrigerator-size box of LEGOs that
you dumped all over the living room. But we have to clean them up or else we
will end up in the ER getting a brick extracted from my foot. Let’s do it
together!” Big smile!
I saw the fighting as an opportunity to teach. “Whoa, I see
two very angry boys here. I know that you two can use your words to come up
with a solution. Tell each other how you feel about which head should go on Han
Solo’s body.”
I reminded them to be grateful when they forgot to thank me.
“It is a better idea to thank mommy for buying you a LEGO set. It makes Mommy
feel bad when you open your new toy and immediately ask for the $130 Millennium
Falcon that we would have to buy two of since your brother wants it too.”
I am so done with all that mamby-pamby, weeny-sounding,
bull-puckey. Dunjins. Done-doodle-dandy-with-a-side-of-fries. No more!
I am supremely confident that they “know” how to behave and
that they are just choosing not to. No more! From now on there will be
consequences that fit the behavior.
Dump the LEGOs and refuse to clean them up? Great. They are
mine, ALL MINE! I will sit in my room and build the most awesomest vehicles,
the way I want to build them, and you will have none. NONE, I say!
You want to fight? Go ahead. Knock each other silly. I am
going into my room and locking the door. With my ear buds in, I won’t be able
to hear your screams. Lord of the Flies it out, little dudes. It will make you
stronger.
And I am not buying you jack squat. With all the money I’ll
save by NOT buying McDonald’s Happy Meals that you don’t eat because you just
want the crappy toy, Mommy and Daddy can go out alone. And we will eat real
food that does not have “Mc” before it. (Although I am embarrassed to admit the
McRib is disgustingly delicious.)
And if that dog waits until I finally get a chance to sit
down at the end of the day and drops a toy in my lap I will chuck that Kong
ball into traffic.
Do you have any other creative consequences for me? Leave me
a comment! I clearly need all the help I can get.