I Think Husband and I Are Too Lazy To Fight

Me: Are we in a fight?

Husband: It feels like it, doesn’t it?

M: Yeah. Are you mad at me?

H: No. Are you mad at me?

M: No.

H: Weird.

M: I know, right?

About 10 minutes later…

M: I think I said one thing and you got all pissy at me.

H : The fire truck thing?

M: The thing where I asked if you had seen the fire truck and you said “no” because you were standing on it?

H: I couldn’t see it.

M: Because you were standing on it.

H: I just think you could have pointed that out in a nicer way.

M: You want me to use a nicer tone of voice when I tell you that you are an idiot?

H: Yes.

M: Okay. Next time I call you an idiot, I will use my most pleasant tone of voice.

H: That’s all I am asking.

M: But you aren’t mad?

H: No way, that was a total bonehead move.

M: I wonder why it feels like we are mad at each other.

H: I thought things got weird when I disagreed with you about the proper use of “put it away” in beach volleyball.

M: I just think the connotation is that the winning of the point was completely due to the scorer.

H: But she won the point. She “put it away!” Kapow!

M: If she spiked the ball into the sand and no one touched it, then I agree. However, if the other chick has a spaz attack and flings the ball away, I don’t think the scorer “put it away.”

H: Because you are an expert at beach volleyball.

M: I HAVE been watching it for the last three days.

H: Good point.

M: Thank you.

H: But you aren’t mad at me?

M: Nope.

H: Is it ice cream time?

M: Hells yeah.