Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Dude, read the disclaimer!

“I don’t come across all that great in your blog,” Husband says to me.

“You read my blog?! That is sooooo sweet.” He glares at me. Right, focus. I put on my sympathetic listening face. “What do you mean?”
“You said I ate all the gummy worms.”

“You did.”
I guess I need a schedule for the potty,” Husband quotes from a blog entry, in what I think is supposed to be a Forrest Gump imitation, but all of his accents make him sound like he is from Bombay, so I am just guessing here.

“Did I write anything that was not true?”
“Well…no…but what about all the nice stuff I do?”

“Did you read the disclaimer?!!” I say, exasperated.
“Yeah, I get it. The nice stuff I do isn’t funny. But I do a lot of nice stuff. I’m just saying….”

He is right. He does A LOT of nice things for me. Probably more than I deserve. Especially, since I make him sound like a buffoon on the internet where anyone and his/her mother can read about it. I would like to make it up to him. Here are SOME of the nice things that Husband does for me, in print, on the internet where everyone can read about them along with their moms.

  1. He makes the coffee. This is so fantastic, because I cannot operate the coffee maker until after I have had my coffee. Whenever I try, I end up with beans scattered everywhere, water spilled on my socks, and something sticky on the counter. I have no idea where the sticky comes from, but it happens EVERY TIME.
  2. He is an optimist. The man can find the good in any situation. After I made him watch “The Vow” (Hey! That is another nice thing he did for me. There’s your bonus good deed, sweetums. J) I said, “Can you imagine if I lost all of my memories of our life together? That is so sad. Would you try to win me back?” He says, “Of course I would. And maybe the new you would like to play board games. Amnesiac Tina might actually play Yahtzee with me! That would be sweet!”
  3. He has excellent communication skills. For example, I was getting ready in the bathroom when the door squeaked open slightly and a hand puppet popped in. The puppet looked around, met my eyes, and said, “Good morning, beautiful. The boys are playing prehistoric animals. Red is a ground sloth and Eldest is a saber tooth cat. They are cuckoo for cocoa puffs. It is best to pretend you are a tree. If you don’t move too much, they will get bored and leave you alone. Good day!”
  4. He inspires me to stay active. I kissed the boys goodbye and then started walking across the backyard towards my car. Husband pulled up next to me, pushing the baby in the stroller, trying to get me to race. When I wouldn’t bite, he started dribbling a stray soccer ball. “Baby Girl and I invented a new game. It is soccer, but with a stroller. We call it stroccer.” Then he kicked a ball at me. I tripped over it, somehow sending the ball rolling back towards Husband. “That was great! You are a natural at stroccer! High five?” I righted myself, then got into my car and drove to the gym to workout.

See, honey? I do notice and appreciate all of the nice things that you do for me. Happy now? XXOO

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