Tuesday, July 17, 2012

Potty Training Red: Part Two

DAY 4:

It was time to work on Red's aim. It is NOT fun to make the toilet into a waterfall, I don’t care what you say. “You need to keep the peepee in the potty. Take your hand and put it—“
“No Mommy! Don’t touch me there!”
On the plus side, if Child Protective Services removes him from the home, his new mommy will have potty train him.
“Okay, honey, but you need to do it yourself then. Just like that. Aim it in…. Great job! I am so proud of you.” He immediately ran out of the bathroom to yell, I mean tell, his brother.
“I TOUCHED MY WINKY! I DID GREAT!” Red screamed proudly.
 "Ooo-kay,” Eldest said. “Why don’t you have pants on?”
“Mommy?" Eldest called from the living room. "Why did you tell him it was great that he touched his winky?”
“I MEANT it was great that he went on…. You know what? Never mind. Red! Get yourself in here and put your pants back on!”

DAY 5:
Time for a new plan! We had a playdate scheduled. All of the kids except the babies, even the toddlers younger than Red, were potty trained. I was hoping he would look around and think to himself, "Hey! It is just me and the droolers peeing in our pants. I don't want to be like the bottle-feeders!  I should totally use the potty.

This did not happen. Instead, Red performed an improv inspired by The Moldy Peaches song "Anyone Else But You" on the trampoline. 

Squinched up your face and did a dance
You shook a little turd out of the bottom of your pants

To be honest, I have no proof that it was Red. The kids held to some sort of a "what happens on the trampoline, stays on the trampoline" code, but COME ON! Who else would bounce a turd out on the trampoline? Do you think we will be invited back?

DAY 6:

Daddy was in charge.

"I think I need a schedule for when I should put him on the potty," he said after Red went to bed.

Ya think?!

DAY 7:

I am exhausted. Under the best conditions, dressing Red is like trying to put pants on a squirrel. Wrestling him in and out of his clothes 152 times a day, only to find that he has already gone in his pull-up, is wearing me down. Mommy needs a potty (training) break. And a nap.


in the coop said...

I despise potty training, and wayward poo is the absolute worst of it. I don't know how I'm going to get the image of bouncing poo out of my head now. Other than that, I am enjoying your blog.

There Must Be A Third Option said...

Yeah, sorry about the visual. I am sure that Red will do something even more disgusting soon and drive that other image right out of your mind. It is the old "step on your foot to distract you from your headache" theory. Thanks for reading!